Tuesday, 19 August 2014

A job! A job!

After 3 months of unemployment I've landed a 6 month contract as a website copywriter. It's sort of in the direction I want to go, the first rung of marketing, and at the end of the day I need to doing some drudge work for the experience. 

This is my third week and so far I'm doing ok. 

Sort of. 

It's become clear that the last 6 months, even year, on a quiet, unassuming sort of level have had an effect on me. Working in stressful jobs, then trying to find a better opportunity, only to find that my luck hasn't been very good, has taken a strange effect on my moods.

I had the implant (a form of contraception) put in last year, and only had it removed over 3 weeks ago. It had in the mean time played havoc with my body and my hormones, left me with mood swings, weight gains, sore bits and emotions that couldn't settle. There were times I would feel my heart tight in my chest, I felt like the breath had been taken my lungs with the gentlest of knocks. I dared not let myself think I had anxiety problems. It's silly, I'm stronger than that I told myself. 

The week before I started work, I hoped I would get bits and bobs done, have a relaxing break before rejoining the world of work. 

Except karma decided not to. I spent all of Monday in A&E with a friend, for a problem that did eventually calm down. whilst at hospital I dropped my phone down the toilet, and by Wednesday my car had broken down. Amongst all of this I dealt with quite bad sexism, the stress of trying to get to a hen party I didn't really fancy, nor could financially justify. Come Monday, I probably wasn't in the best of mental states.

The theme over the last week seemed to be me looking after other people, and getting punished for it. I started work on the Monday, a bit tired. I stupidly worked shifts at the family pub because I didn't get any money whilst having to sign on, and it was going to be a long 4 weeks til pay day. 

That first Wednesday was my worst day, by the fact my boss had commented I needed to be more focused. I've had the misfortune and luxury of poor focus over the last few months, it's been too easy to get distracted and do something else. So checking social media and personal email at work is a big no no. 

I have a couple good days I'm focused, but then my days can be tied into what mood my boss is in, if it's a good mood, I can get on with my work, but at times I can feel weepy, tired, shaky, and struggle to focus. 

He's got good and bad things to say, overall I'm doing reasonably well, I can feel that he hoped for better. I hoped for better myself, but I would have been better a few months ago. It's interesting to try and trace the chain of events back, and you'll be quite surprised what's happened and how much has really taken its toll on you. It's good to stop and take focus, I'm pulling back on things, I am very much living a day at a time, and aiming to improve, and achieve consistency. 

On the plus side my spelling seems to be improving!

1 comment:

  1. Your honesty is refreshing, and really admirable too. Good for you.

    It can seem really hard when you're struggling and you feel you're in a silo, but writing it down makes it another chapter in your book - something else to look back on when you've conquered it and moved along.

    It will help others with their journeys too, as we're all struggling in some way.
    I'm struggling with health issues and am on a really restrictive diet to help it along.

    It's mentally KILLING me! Bad hormones and no chocolate!!!

    Keep writing. I'm interested to hear more. Tell us the new words you can spell, and what happens this week ;)